Equilibrium
by der kapitan
Summary: For a moment, Natalia thought it was him; he had returned to her, to fulfill his promise. As he stepped into the moonlight, however, she realized it wasn't him, and her stomach dropped. Asch x Natalia


Author's Note:

So I finished Tales of the Abyss in about a week, and it's easily one of the best games I've ever played. :D And even though the ending made me so incredibly happy, it left me feeling a little empty, so I felt the need to write this. XD Natalia bugged me so much at the beginning when she first joined, but I came to really like her as a character. So here you are, dearest Natalia, because you're ending was more bittersweet than anything. ; w;

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**Equilibirum**  
a Tales of the Abyss (© Namco Bandai) fanfiction

"_As much as she might have wanted him to reappear,__  
as much as she might have wanted him to hold her hand,  
as much as she might have wanted him to comfort her,  
he wasn't coming back._"

_Opening Song:_ "Room 338" - Fletch

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_"I made a promise to someone."_

The hair, the face, the eyes, the voice — for a moment, she believed it was _him_. _He_ had died; Luke confirmed it with the detailed scene of _his_ grave. And yet, there _he_ was, standing before them all. She wanted to rush forward, to throw her arms around him and never let go, to proclaim her love for him over and over again. _He_ had returned from the dead to fulfill his promise to her.

But when he stepped forward into the moonlight, her heartbeat stopped and her breath caught in her throat. As identical as they might have been, Natalia had long since learned how to distinguish Luke from _him_. And this person in front of them now was not _him_.

Natalia fell back as the others rushed forward to welcome their friend, Tear at the head of the group. The princess brought a shaking hand to her heart as she swallowed the lump in her throat. Natalia was disgusted with herself; Luke had finally returned to them after a year, yet she could only be disappointed. She was supposed to be happy — ecstatic, even. She was supposed to be jumping up and down with Anise, to be welcoming him with Guy, to be teasing him with Jade, to be smiling at him with Tear. She was being selfish, thinking only about her wants and desires.

Forcing down her guilt, she eventually joined the others in the welcoming of their comrade. Luke might not have been _him_, but he was a dear friend to her, and they shared many memories together. She would welcome him back like the good friend she was. Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear was a princess, and every princess knew when to smile for the sake of others, even when they found it difficult to.

"C'mon, we should head back to the manor. Your mom would be thrilled to see you," Guy said, still grinning ear-to-ear as he patted his friend roughly on the back. "We'll have a celebration!"

Clasping her hands together, Anise cheerfully added, "With lots of expensive food!"

"Well, I'm sure Duke Fabre will be more than willing to deal with your aristocratic desires once he learns that his long lost son has returned," Jade commented, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Now, I suggest it's best we leave, as monsters will start appearing soon."

Everyone nodded in agreement, and as the party headed out of the Valley, Natalia found herself lagging behind yet again. She paused, just for a moment, to glance over her shoulder to where Luke had previously been standing. False hope stirred in her stomach as she silently searched for any sign of _him_.

"Natalia." Her head whipped back around, and she found Luke watching her worriedly. He might not have been the Luke that grew up with her, but he still knew enough about her to know. He didn't need to ask if she was alright or what was bothering her.

_I'm so selfish._ Natalia pressed her lips together as she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she was smiling. She stepped towards Luke, placing a hand on his arm, and nodded. "I'm fine. Let's go. Aunt Susanne has missed you so."

Though he knew that she wasn't alright, that she was being torn apart inside, Luke nodded and smiled as well. It wouldn't be fair to bring it out now, to make her testify about something they all knew was true. Reminding her of what she had and what she lost was no way to greet an old friend.

_"Some day, when we grow up, let's change this country."_

Darkness engulfed the sky, shrouding the valley in a thin dim sheet. Natalia found herself curled up on the same rock that they had all been gathered around just days ago. With her legs tucked underneath her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs, she peered deep into the valley, her green optics searching fruitlessly.

She must have had some horrible masochistic complex, coming out to this place night after night, searching for someone she would never find. She was only setting herself up for disappointment and pain, yet there was some sort of comfort that came with her nightly visits. She couldn't quite describe it, but here she felt _him_. Here, in the valley where _he_ died, she could find some solace and, perhaps, she could eventually come to terms with the unfulfilled promises.

As the princess of Kimlasca, Natalia knew she was neglecting her duties. As the princess, the country came before everything. The condition of the land and the people were at the top of her priority list, and she lived only to ensure the safety of those loyal to her. But lately she had been concerned only with herself and her own needs and desires. She needed to get a hold of herself, to come to peace with herself, so that she could return to her people.

_So that she could change the country, so that nobody would be poor or hungry._

"Asch..." The name felt so foreign, yet so familiar on her lips. It felt so right, so in place, yet at the same time, so wrong. She was beckoning a dead man, and she more than anyone knew that the dead wouldn't come back to life, no matter how much you called to them. Asch was strong, and above all he was stubborn, but even he couldn't overcome the crevasse dividing life and death. As much as she might have wanted him to reappear, as much as she might have wanted him to hold her hand, as much as she might have wanted him to comfort her, he wasn't coming back.

That, perhaps, was the one thing she wouldn't be able to come to terms with.

"Hey." She didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Focusing on the scenery before her, Natalia merely inclined her head in greeting as Luke joined her by her side. "It's cold out tonight," he commented after a moment of silence.

"Did they send you to bring me back?" she asked, her voice slightly muffled by her knees.

"Well, Uncle was worried, but I told him I had it under control." She glanced at him and found him grinning, in which she couldn't help but return a small smile. "You've been coming out for a while, huh?" Silence was his answer, though it was enough to confirm his question. "You know, I think he'd be really pissed off if he knew you were mourning over him."

Natalia laughed a small laugh. "He'd probably demand why I was crying over him and tell me I wouldn't get anything accomplished."

"Then he'd probably say something stupid about him not being the same Luke he was eight years ago." The two shared a laugh, though it was strained on both ends. Luke smiled softly as he leaned against the rock. "But even then, I'm sure he'd be happy." She glanced him curiously, her head cocked to the side. "He was always going on about how I stole his family and his life. I think it'd make him happy to know that I hadn't stolen _everything_." He looked at her directly, and a for moment, she could have sworn that she saw Asch.

Heaving an exaggerated sigh, Luke pushed himself off of the rock and grinned at her. "Come on, let's get out of here. The others are worried about you."

Natalia nodded, wearing a bright smile, and gracefully slipped off the rock. "You're right. Let's go." Luke headed towards the other end of the valley and Natalia followed, though she stopped to glance over her shoulder one last time. The wind picked up, dancing with the grass and flowers, and as it caressed her face, she was certain she saw a figure in the distance. As soon as it had appeared, however, it went away, and the wind died down.

Natalia smiled as she clasped both of her hands over her heart. "Goodbye for now, Asch," she said, her voice just barely above a whisper. _I'll change the country, just like we promised._

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Closing Song:_ "Dancing in the Moonlight" - Smashing Pumpkins

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